Spa Day
by cmr2014
Summary: It's going to be a relaxing day at the spa for Meryl. What could possibly go wrong?
DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I spend my days getting dirty as part of my living, and have neither the time nor the inclination to visit a spa; it just seemed like it would be neat to write about Meryl going to one. If you're going to complain about inaccuracy, please accept my apology, then take a number and wait to be called.

 **Spa Day**

"Five thousand. Fifteen thousand. _Fifty thousand_!" Meryl Stryfe groaned as she tried to keep her temper in check, laying her head on her desktop and massaging her temples.

The familiar styled-up blond head of her husband poked into the room. "Need some aspirin, honey?"

Meryl's head snapped up, accusing finger whipping around to point at him. "This is all _your_ fault!" she seethed. "How the hell did you manage to cause an insurance claim of _fifty thousand_ double-dollars? You broom-headed walking disaster, you're like an insurance claim that's just waiting to happen! Don't you realize my job depends on claims _not_ being filed because of you? What happens when I get fired because I can't keep you from causing trouble, what then? I'll tell you what happens – we go broke! We wind up in the poorhouse, all because you couldn't behave yourself for five minutes! Take your hands off me, you big oaf! Stop doing that, you can't weasel your way out of – no, don't stop," she sighed contentedly, posture relaxing as strong hands massaged her shoulders.

"You're so full of tension," Vash the Stampede observed as he kneaded her shoulders, the massage as much for his own personal safety as for her own personal well-being.

"Wonder why," his wife murmured. "Couldn't possibly be because you can't stay out of trouble."

"I know what you need."

"No, you can't seduce your way out of this one." Although Meryl made no physical effort to stop him.

"Not that," Vash corrected. "Well, ok, that. But I was thinking more of a day at the spa. A little mani-pedi, some time in the steam room, that crazy mud on your face…a day off would do you some good."

"Sounds nice," she agreed. "But I couldn't take a week off to go to December just for a spa day. Leave you unsupervised all that time? You'd bankrupt the entire Bernardelli Insurance Society!"

"What? No, not in December."

Her head, beginning to droop down in relaxation, raised again. "But my membership is to the one in December."

"You don't have to go all the way there anymore. A new one opened here, and they're offering free visits to first-time customers."

"A spa? Here?" Meryl, ever a city girl, was suspicious of what a spa would be like in the little village she and Vash now called home.

Picking up on her concern, her husband was quick to assuage any worries. "It'll be fine. This first-time-free thing means they're eager to please. They'll be trying their best to make a good impression so you'll sign up for a membership. No worry."

Meryl had been hearing those last two words for a long time now, and they usually preceded disaster. But there was no way she could leave Vash alone for the time it would take to visit December. She would have to do that on the sly, anyway, since there was no way the Chief would approve any time off; Vash the Stampede had a bad habit of leaving insurance claims in his wake, even when he tried his best not to. Which, she had to admit, was often. Her broom-head did try, you had to give him that. Not his fault trouble was as attracted to him as she was.

The plain and simple truth was, she needed a day off. A full spa day could be just what the doctor ordered.

And so she found herself marching into the new spa the next morning and up to the front desk. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, the young lady there was eager to please. "How may I help you?"

Meryl was direct. "First-time visits are free, are they not?"

"Yes, ma'am," said the annoyingly chipper desk-girl. "We offer a wide variety of services, ranging from facials to steam treatments to –"

"I want them all," Meryl stated. "Your best package. You can even ask for a deposit or a guaranteed sign-up, I don't care, just give me a full day away from chaos!"

The young woman nodded sympathetically, as she no doubt had been trained to do. "Of course, ma'am. Now, while this first visit is free, we do require for insurance purposes that this form be filled out, in triplicate…"

Half an hour later, the cursed paperwork was finished and Meryl was changed into a towel wrapped around her body and a separate towel around her head. Her first stop on the full package was into the steam room.

"This is to get you properly relaxed and detoxed," said her host, another young woman – was everybody here going to be younger than her? – with the interesting moniker of Coconut.

It was nice in there. Meryl let the steam begin to evaporate away her stress. She could feel it seeping out of her pores. Ears perked several times as she thought she heard gunfire, but she brushed that away. This was _her_ day to relax, and she refused to believe that Vash was anything but a good little typhoon, at home and out of trouble.

Eventually, it was time to leave the steam room and pay a visit to the facial area. A hot towel was placed over her face, and she didn't care about the reasoning for it – the heat felt as relaxing as the steam bath had. After the towel was taken off, nutrient-rich mud (imported from the finest geyser fields on Gunsmoke, she was assured) was applied and nourishing cream spread across her eyelids. "This is much better than those silly cucumber slices," Coconut said. "This cream has the same effect while still allowing you to see what's going on."

Meryl nodded with a polite smile, forcing herself to ignore the sounds of what seemed like a bar fight drifting through the open windows. Thought to herself that a spa could have chosen a better location than right across from the saloon.

With her facial mask on, she was taken for her mani-pedi. As her nails were trimmed, filed, and painted with a clear polish, she made small talk with the spa attendants. Although her mouth quirked a bit at the sound of some of the people in the bar brawl crashing through the front doors of the spa. At least Vash was staying out of it. That was a comforting thought as the polish was given time to dry.

After the mani-pedi, Meryl was led back to the facial area to have her facial application removed. Once that was done, she did allow herself the illusion that her face felt younger.

"Now we'll take you back for your massage," Coconut said with her unceasing smile.

At last! A good full-body massage was what Meryl had been waiting for. She lay on the massage table and let herself be positioned, resting her face in the little donut-shaped hole.

"After this, we'll be giving your hair a good wash and blow-dry. You'll love the special conditioner we use, it's made with…" Meryl lost track of what Coconut was saying as the masseuse worked. A full-body massage and Vash behaving himself – this was just what she needed…

Gunfire again drifted through the open windows. Meryl ignored it.

"Stop! Thief!" somebody yelled outside. Meryl blocked it out. There was nothing right now except the pleasant sensation of her lower back being kneaded…

"Unhand that woman!" Good grief, that was _not_ Vash's voice! It was nothing more than an auditory hallucination, it had to be. Vash was at home, letting Meryl have a badly needed day of rest. He wouldn't be out getting caught up in the whirlwind on a day off for her that he himself had proposed.

"You'll never take me alive, Stampede!" a rough voice yelled.

Crap! Meryl's hopeful lies to herself were crushed by reality.

"Watch me!" came her husband's voice. More gunfire, shouts of pain and words a lady receiving a massage simply should not have to hear.

Meryl groaned. "Could somebody please shut the windows?"

Too late. The building shook violently, furniture and equipment toppling over, lights flickering briefly before going dark. Meryl felt her teeth clench at this rude interruption to her massage.

The young lady from the front desk came in in a panic. "The boiler for the steam room exploded!" she cried wildly. "It was hit by ricochets and now there's a fire!"

 _Too much to ask for one little day without chaos, wasn't it, Vash?_ Meryl silently fumed as the building was evacuated.

She stood outside in her towel as men with a hose from the town's water tower arrived to put out the boiler fire. As she watched, she flushed with embarrassment at having nothing on but a towel and quietly seethed at her husband. Part of her couldn't help but mentally calculate how much this insurance claim was going to come out to – _boiler explosion, five thousand…fire, fifteen thousand…damage to the building, thirty thousand…_

Meryl sighed. "Should've just gone to December."

A worn red duster wrapped around her, guided by the familiar musculature of arms that embraced her from behind.

"You'd be too far away in December," Vash told her. "I like you right here with me."

Meryl turned in his arms to face him. "You like me right here so you can cause me no end of aggravation with your gunfights," she retorted.

"Somebody's got to stand up for people who can't stand up for themselves," her husband said. "If I just let people be robbed and killed, they'd never be able to pay their insurance premiums. Ever think about that?

"Besides –" He gave her a lopsided grin. "– if I never caused you any trouble, how would I ever have the fun of making it up to you?"

His grin was infectious. Meryl could feel her mouth trying to smile against her will.

"Come on." Vash gave her a little tug. "Give me a chance to earn some forgiveness. We've got some epsom salt at home and some oils, we can whip you up a nice hot bath that smells like lavender or jasmine or anything you like. I can finish your massage. It won't be a spa, but I do come with the benefit of hot make-up sex." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You seriously think I'll let you get off that easily?" Meryl snorted.

"Well, I actually was planning to get you off –"

"No double-entendres!" Meryl grabbed an arm and pulled, hurriedly leading the way home (to get out of this embarrassing situation, or to get right to the "benefit"? Only she knew which.), purposely ignoring the curious looks from people as they watched a short woman in a coat way too big for her hauling around Vash the Stampede like he was a faithful puppy.

It wasn't his fault, really; protecting people was in Vash's nature, and Meryl loved that about him. He couldn't help the property damage that came with protecting others and brought her such aggravation.

They got on each other's nerves, and they sometimes clashed and argued. They could be each other's biggest headache. In the end, they loved and forgave.

Such was life being married to the Humanoid Typhoon.


End file.
